People are searching their whole lives for their soul mates without even rethinking its meaning. The general assumption is that it is supposed to be your “perfect match”, your perfect lover, the “One”. If we split the term “soul mate”, we can discuss definitions of the both words separately and understand the whole concept better. Definitions of a soul are:
„The principle of life, feeling, thought, and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity separate from the body, the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part.“ (Dictionary.com)
„The incorporeal essence of a living being.“ (Wikipedia)
“Soul or psyche (Greek: “psychē”, of “psychein”, “to breathe”) are the mental abilities of a living being: reason, character, feeling, consciousness, memory, perception, thinking, etc.” (Wikipedia)
Simply put, the soul is the spiritual part of a human being defining its character and the way of its thinking and acting.
The term mate is defined as:
„a friend or a companion” (Urban Dictionary)
„A male companion to share beer and sports with.“ (Urban Dictionary)
We see that the mate has a positive friendly connotation. In general, it means a friend, a buddy, a person that we are supposed to be comfortable with, in an informal way of spending leisure time and sharing similar interests.
The term mate is actually totally superficial and physical in comparison with the term soul. Put together, it brings us to the concept of “our soul’s friend”, a soul that can share the same interests and desires with our soul. Maybe there is something complex in the concept at the start, which is why it is so complex in the real life.
Our souls are constantly searching for a comfort, a place to be happy and satisfied, a place to be settled. But do the soul mates actually complete our souls in a higher sense? Are the soul mates really good for our souls if we look at them closely?
An understanding of the concept is well explained in the book “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert, saying that the soul mate is a reflection of our soul. According to that assumption, we are meeting our soul mate once in our lives and we see ourselves in that other person, like we are watching our reflection in the mirror. The soul mate reflects everything that we are and it may be beautiful, but at the same time, unbearable and even dangerous for us as human beings.
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s everybody wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it” (p. 157, Eat Pray Love, 2006)
So, the “perfect friend” for your soul may not be the perfect friend for you, at least it is not a friendship you should hold on to forever, but you will learn a lot about yourself through the experience and you will never forget it. Soul mate may be found in unexpected places in unexpected times. If you choose to believe it, it will come to you in a destined way. That person is maybe already in your life, but you cannot see it clearly or you choose not to. It may be the person you are not supposed to be with because it doesn’t seem right. Or maybe you haven’t met that person yet. He/she will show up at the right time and then, you will need and desperately want him/her in your life forever. You will go crazy for that person and you will experience thousands of feelings in moments you spend together. You will do anything to keep that feelings forever. You two will be as one, breathing together, thinking together, feeling emotionally dead without each other. Nothing else and nobody else will matter. You will see that you didn’t know yourself before you met that person, you will see your mistakes and your flaws and you will meet your biggest fears and you will question your whole existence. Simply, your whole world will be rearranged.
When it comes to the point when you two split and go in different directions, your whole world will be torn apart, just like your soul. You will bear that scars forever. Even though you will get stronger over time and grow bigger and wiser, I assure you that you will never experience the same feelings again and you will never share your world with anyone that deeply as you did with your soul mate. And it is good that way. Once a friend of mine told me: “All the big love stories are the sad ones” and it is true. I don’t want to be sad. Nobody wants.
For the eternal happiness you should learn to love yourself first and work on that relationship until you reach the state of calmness with your own self. A state when you see the beauty of your independence. Only then you will be able to be happy by yourself no matter if you have a partner in your life or not. And only then you will be able to love again and see that being with someone who loves you back is just a nice bonus, but not the essence of your soul’s existence.